Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.
– Iain Thomas
(Although often incorrectly attributed to Kurt Vonnegut)
h/t Anne McCarthy
As we indulged in leftover Halloween candy today after lunch, my coworkers and I reminisced about our childhood experiences surrounding the holiday, touching on our various strategies to maximize candy collection, and equally important, candy retention. Yeah, parents would take it away, but most everyone at the table mentioned that their siblings were the biggest culprits when it went missing.
That wasn’t the case for me though, because my brother was the best. I don’t remember any candy theft; on the contrary, he showered me with treats and looked out for me.
When he fundraised for school by selling candy, he’d save and buy me my favorites.
When he frequented Comic Grapevine, the local comic book and gaming store, he’d bring me along so that I could buy candy, play or watch them play the games, peruse the comic books, and play with the store cats. I can’t imagine how annoying or embarrassing it’d be to have your kid sister tag along for stuff like that, but he brought me anyway. It’s where I discovered my love for Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat — I was never any good, but I was happy to watch. It’s where I spent my hard-earned money on new pogs — the sparkly slammers were my faves, of course. It’s where I learned how to play Magic: The Gathering, amassing my own collection of cards and subsequently blowing the minds of all the boys in my class — I had to bring my decks to school and play before they believed me.
And when I started dating, going to dances and parties, and generally doing all the things my parents forbade me from doing, he’d cover for me, pick me up late at night, and always make sure I was safe.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have a sibling like mine.
(Apologies for the terrible photo quality!)
This is all God’s doing, man, you can’t plan it.
But if the devil’s in the details, then I’m satanic.
Sneakin’
Drake ft. 21 Savage
Pictured: Lily sporting a little red cardigan that I wore as a kid more than 25 years ago. It’s kind of silly that my mom kept something so valueless (I mean that strictly in the monetary sense) for all these years, but I’m kind of glad she did.
Flash talks, townhalls, workshops, presentations, projects. It was a blur, but as always, it was wonderful to catch up with some of my lovely coworkers. (I wish I could say all of my lovely coworkers, but there simply wasn’t enough time!)
Here’s a disjointed glimpse of my week in Whistler in photos/videos:
If you care about me at all, please, PLEASE, never utter these phrases (or the like) unless the conversation follows immediately:
– Can we talk about something?
– I have something to tell you.
Everything I’ve seen about my astrological sign, Chinese zodiac, or “personality type” isn’t super accurate, but this, this is pretty spot on. It’s a bit unnerving to fit so neatly into a box.
(Via Psychology Junkie, h/t Paul, who loves thinking and conversing about Myers–Briggs personalty types.)
Gray clouds loom in the distance that evening as we drive over the bay bridge. Sail boats and freighters are common sights in the bay, but there aren’t any to be seen; Sundays of three-day weekends are always quiet.
Dad looks out over the eerily still water, momentarily transfixed. He breaks the silence with a peculiarly dark question, jarring in contrast to the lighthearted day we had just spent together as a family. “What would you do if you were out there for a long open-water swim, with your brother or best friend, and they said that they couldn’t make it any further?”
After a brief pause, he elaborates. “Think about it. There’s nothing and no one around for miles. Do you try to save him, drowning together in the process? Or do you continue on without him?”
It was a dark hypothetical. I appreciate outlandish questions, and as a chronic worrier, my mind naturally tends toward the dark (hope for the best, prepare for the worst — as they say), but this was tragic. I didn’t want to think about it, but I did.“I’d never be on a swim like that. If I were… I don’t know.”
I consider it as realistically as I could. “He really can’t go on? What if we just turn on our backs and float awhile, to rest?”
“No, at this point, he’s done. You think he wants to die? Of course not, but he’s sinking.”
I sigh. “I don’t know what I’d do, but I know that either way, I’d be dead. I’d drown trying to save him, and if I had to leave him behind or watch him drown, I’d drown in my panic and grief.”
Dad continues to build the scene, as if my response didn’t register.“Even if I gave you a measly 10 lb weight, that’d affect your ability to swim a long distance. An entire person. There’s no way you could make it.”
“Yeah…I don’t know.”
Moments of sad, contemplative silence pass.
“This happened to me, many years ago. Think about being on a plane that’s going down, think about everything — all the thoughts, memories, and concerns that would suddenly flood your mind. All those things? That’s what I thought about in that excruciating moment.”
I sit in stunned silence, looking out over the water.
With a quiet anguish, he ends the conversation. “I don’t burden you with stories like this, but one day, maybe five or ten years from now, I’ll share.”
Go outside. Don’t tell anyone and don’t bring your phone. Start walking and keep walking until you no longer know the road like the palm of your hand, because we walk the same roads day in and day out, to the bus and back home and we cease to see. We walk in our sleep and teach our muscles to work without thinking and I dare you to walk where you have not yet walked and I dare you to notice. Don’t try to get anything out of it, because you won’t. Don’t try to make use of it, because you can’t. And that’s the point. Just walk, see, sit down if you like. And be. Just be, whatever you are with whatever you have, and realise that that is enough to be happy. There’s a whole world out there, right outside your window. You’d be a fool to miss it.
i want to go to there. 
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