September 7, 2013

On this particularly sunny and hot Saturday, Dave and I headed to Berkeley to see Cal take on Portland State. This was typical — our falls are always consumed with college football. This season we had a brand new head coach, a recently renovated stadium, and a whole lot of hope for our team. Go bears!

We played Portland State seven years earlier on September 16, 2006 under very different circumstances. Cal started with a #12 ranking, went 10–3, and finished the season ranked #14 under Coach Tedford. Dave and I were in our third year of college. I was in a 4+ year, tumultuous, long-distance relationship with a guy[1] from Lodi and Dave had just gotten out of a very similar situation with a gal from Maine. We were acquaintances, nothing more.[2]

At that 2006 game, there wasn’t enough room where my friends were standing, so I ended up a couple of rows back next to Dave and his fraternity brothers. Dave’s fraternity had the endearing and extremely reckless tradition of mercilessly dogpiling every time Cal scored a TD. No one was spared. Thankfully, Dave protected me from the onslaught. September 16, 2006 was the day I started paying attention.[3]

A terribly unflattering photo of me next to handsome baby Dave that day.

Me next to handsome baby-Dave that day.

Fast forward to Cal vs. Portland State 2013. At a Haas business school happy hour, Dave won a tour of the swanky University Club at Memorial Stadium. We skipped pre-game bar hopping with friends to check out this exclusive area that we’d otherwise probably never visit. My excitement really set in when I noticed Chancellor Nicholas Dirks and Director of Athletics Sandy Barbour riding the elevator up with us. Two lovely women, Henrriette and Whitney, gave us a quick tour and then left us alone to appreciate the gorgeous views.

We wanted to get some photos of us in this breathtaking setting, but because our tour started a couple of hours before kickoff, there weren’t many people around; no one was out on the deck with us. We set up Dave’s phone on a nearby table to see if we could get anything decent with the self-timer. Then this happened.


Turns out Dave hadn’t won a tour at all. He had spent months preparing for this moment and worked some magic, one small piece of which is this heartwearming letter to Coach Sonny Dykes:

Dear Coach Dykes,

The date was September 16th, 2006. It was a beautiful, sun splashed fall day in Berkeley, the kind of day I am sure you will come to cherish. Cal was playing Portland State. I had ducked out from studying to enjoy the game when some nearby students got a bit rowdy. I protected a young lady from the pushing, and we struck up a conversation. It was the start to our love story and I’m excited to say that this fall I plan to propose to her.

Cal, and in particular Cal Football, has been a huge part of our lives from the day we set foot on campus. We have been loyal season ticket holders since graduation and actively recruit our friends to join us (our group is up to 12 this year!). I was recently accepted into the Haas MBA program and it is my dream to eventually settle in Berkeley and raise our family there. I’d like to do something special for her for my proposal.

I was hoping to propose to her on the University Club balcony before a game, but access is limited to those with special passes. Coach Dykes, I realize you are a busy man, but if there is any way you are able to help with pregame access passes I would be extraordinarily grateful. I would be able to create our first engagement memory with the most beautiful backdrop I can imagine.

I am proud that our head coach has actively embraced the community, from open practices to living ten minutes from campus. After a down year it feels like the Cal community is once again excited about football. You have certainly started your Cal story on the right foot. I hope to add another chapter to our own Cal story, and with your help, I can make it an unforgettable one.

Thank you in advance, best of luck in the upcoming season, and Go Bears!

Best regards,

Dave Harrison Smith

Amazing.

The proposal came as a huge surprise for a couple of reasons. To be completely honest, we hadn’t been in the best place as a couple — I had started a new job two months prior and he was struggling to balance a full-time job with business school. We were busy and stressed, and we weren’t making enough time for each other. And believe it or not, we hadn’t really discussed marriage in our nearly seven years together. Sure, we both knew it would likely happen, but neither of us were in any hurry (and we still aren’t!).

But I’m very happy because I love this man dearly. I can’t thank Dave enough for bearing with me and my many faults. I know we’ll overcome every challenge together because he’s strong and courageous in every way that I’m not. Here’s to love, growth, and countless adventures.

Oh, Cal squeaked out a victory on the day we got engaged: 37-30. It was our only win of the entire season… whew.

Poem written for us by San Francisco poet, Silvi Alcivar.

Poem written for us by San Francisco poet, Silvi Alcivar.

[1] Although we aren’t really in touch any more, I have to say he was a great guy — we just weren’t great together.

[2] Embarrassingly enough, I had introduced myself to Dave on three separate occasions at his frat house. He responded to my third “Hi, I’m Jenny!” with a short and effective “I know. We’ve met.” Needless to say, I felt like a jackass, but bless his heart for forgiving me.

[3] But we didn’t start dating until January 20, 2007.

Five Years

Today marks my five year anniversary with Ning.

I joined the team bright-eyed and bushy-tailed two weeks after I graduated from college. Working ~70 hours/week for the first couple of months, I dove headfirst into the world of tech, support, and policy. I loved the role, the people, and the product, but I was scared, exhausted, and overwhelmed. My desire to always get everything done was in direct conflict with the fact that customer service work is never finished. That compounded with the sensitive nature of my work resulted in lots and lots of stress during my first two years.

And then we were hit with the layoff. For many of us, it was our first. We were sad, confused, and fearful. How did we get here? What does this mean for the company? Why did he/she have to go and I get to stay? It was a pivotal moment for me — I took a step back to reflect and make some changes. I knew I’d be a better employee.manager.daughter.sister.girlfriend.friend.person if I found a healthier balance. I won’t go into details, but so far, so good.

All in all, it’s been a hell of a ride, what with reporting to nine different managers — seven of them in a two-year period (shout out to Athena, Phil, Alex, Erin, Laura, Jill, Bob, John and Jon), four office moves, multiple rounds of layoffs, many policy changes, different product and business model directions, and an acquisition. I am tremendously grateful for my experience with Ning and the amazing team. We shared in countless triumphs and failures, both professional and personal. I’ve seen coworkers get married, have kids, get divorced, change gender identities, and pass away. I’ve met friends that will be life-long. For these reasons and many more, Ning and team will always be near and dear to my heart. Thank you all for everything.

(I tried to include as many wonderful moments and people as I could — sorry I couldn’t cover them all!)

It’s time for me to move on and let someone else take the policy reins at Ning. I’m thrilled to embark on my next adventure with Automattic as Dotcom Protector (rad title, right?!) in just a few weeks. I’m confident that I’ve picked the right place (and people) to spend the foreseeable future with. Here’s to the next adventure!

I will never stop learning. / I won’t just work on things that are assigned to me. / I know there’s no such thing as a status quo. / I will build our business sustainably through passionate and loyal customers. / I will never pass up an opportunity to help out a colleague, and I’ll remember the days before I knew everything. / I am more motivated by impact than money, and I know that Open Source is one of the most powerful ideas of our generation. / I will communicate as much as possible, because it’s the oxygen of a distributed company. / I am in a marathon, not a sprint, and no matter how far away the goal is, the only way to get there is by putting one foot in front of another every day. / Given time, there is no problem that’s insurmountable.

(The Automattic Creed)

Groomswoman Duties

Ben, my close friend of 20 years, had his bachelor party in San Francisco last weekend. As his groomswoman, I got the chance to take part in his fun – and pretty wholesome – bachelor party. It was awesome to spend an entire day with some of my favorites. I usually don’t enjoy marathon drinking, but when duty calls…

(Ben is usually clean-shaven or rocks a full beard; he gave us a special shave for the weekend.)

Loyalty

Survey Monkey’s Goldberg on talent and culture. This definitely hits close to home:

There are the people who don’t have any experience but are just really smart, talented, and motivated. When you get those people right, they’re your ‘homegrown talent’, if you will. These people are your farm team. These people are, for the most part, the best people who will stay long term at your company. They’re the carriers of the culture. They grew up there. You took a chance on them. They’ve learned how to be in the business.

Read more at First Round.

Wisdom From a Harvard Cognitive Psychologist

Courtesy of a brilliant man on Reddit in response to the question, “Do you find your understanding of the mind negatively affects your own happiness? I mean does your deterministic outlook sometimes make life seem arbitrary and pointless to you, and elation just some chemical reaction.”

Quite the opposite — I find a naturalistic understanding of human nature to be indispensable to leading a wise and mature life, and it is often exhilarating. Wisdom consists in appreciating the preciousness and finiteness of our own existence, and therefore not squandering it; of being cognizant of what makes people everywhere tick, and therefore enhancing happiness and minimizing suffering; of being alert to limitations and flaws in our own judgments and decisions and passions, and thereby doing our best to circumvent them. The exhilaration comes from understanding that we are a part of natural world; that deep mysteries can be explained; and that the world — including our own mental lives — can be intelligible, rather than a source of superstition and ignorance. Yes, mortality sucks, but given that it exists, I’d rather know that than be kept in a childlike state of delusion.

It’s Not Shit.

A friend shared this post by Julie Zhuo today and I love it. My favorite portions (which I know is most of her already short post):

Where is the empathy? That meeting was not scheduled for the sole purpose of wasting your time. Executives do not sit at their desks stroking hairless cats, murmuring Yes, Percival, yes… We’ll stun them with a decision so bad, so unfathomably awful they won’t know what hit them!

Now, clearly, some things are a better use of your time than others. Some people’s opinions you’ll weigh more heavily. You won’t always agree with all the feedback you get, and progress won’t always be like a puck sailing over smooth ice.

Take a deep breath. It’s not Shit. It’s the energy and chaos and spirit of People Doing what they Honestly Believe is the Best Thing They Could Be Doing. It’s trying and sometimes failing and learning in the process. It’s not perfect but what person or job or life is? Close your eyes and trust.

And if you find you can’t, if it’s simply impossible to muster the belief that you’re not surrounded by shit, then maybe it’s time to seek greener pastures. Because why on earth would you insist on staying somewhere that rains feces all the time?

Who hasn’t been on both the giving and receiving end of perceived shit at one time or another? Given the nature of my work, I often feel like I’m on the giving end of  it. Those in the legal/policy/safety space often have a bad rap, and I get it. However, while it might suck to have to spend a bit more time than intended hammering out the details of a feature, I promise it’s for good reason. If it didn’t matter, we wouldn’t bother. Usually we’re looking out for the product and its users (preventing abuse) as well as the company (mitigating risk). Bottom line: it’s important to remember that we’re all part of the same team with the shared goal of kicking ass!

Give Me Your Money!

I’m in charge of a Groupon Grassroots campaign for K to College, an organization for which I’m on the board. I’m pretty stoked about this opportunity for the org! The downside: this was handed to me less than 8 hours before the campaign kicked off. I didn’t even know that this opportunity was in the works!

Anyways, I’m giving it my best shot with what I’ve got, which right now is an extremely packed schedule between work deadlines, personal commitments (like the biggest chinese holiday this weekend, friends in town and heading out of town tomorrow) and miscellaneous life responsibilities. Whew.

If you’ve got a heart and $11 to spare, please consider making a donation to get school and dental supplies to children in need. Hell, they’ll accept a donation even if you don’t have a heart. Did I mention that these kids are adorable?

welcome K to College!

Onions. Onions All The Time.

I am extremely sentimental. Let me be clear: sentimental, not uncontrollably, outrageously emotional. I pride myself on being more objective than your average person and being able to look at a situation from all sides. Just ask my brother — I’m certain he thinks I annoyingly play devil’s advocate way too often. But overall, I am a sap. Case in point:

– Weddings = waterworks
– I wept when my work-husband was laid off, despite knowing that he would move on to bigger and better things
– Thinking of a dog I’ve lost (nearly decade ago) can still bring me to tears
– I nearly cried during this super bowl commercial. Clydesdales? More like crydesdales, amirite?!

All of my friends know this about me. And although I wish I was less tearful at times (how embarrassing would it have been to cry in response to a super bowl commercial?!), I embrace it. I like that I feel so deeply. However, I do my best to hide this side of myself from my family because… I don’t know why. The Zhus have never really been emotive around one another. Whatever the reason, I’m working on it, which makes for a lot of discomfort. One little treasure has made this monumental undertaking a bit less daunting: Lily Zhu.

coyall smiles

I love my niece an incomprehensible amount. Born just 4 months ago, she doesn’t do much, but… WOW. You don’t know how much you can truly care about someone until a little bundle of joy like Lily enters your life. I spend time each and every day looking at photos of her (only because I’m too far away to snuggle her in person).

Lily’s arrival and the frightening, but obvious aging of my parents, along with the scary health complications of some of my fit, young friends (maybe more on that later) makes me all the more grateful for our time here.

So let’s get cheesy, shall we? Remember to love deeply and don’t take anyone or anything for granted!

photo (1)

P.S. Thanks reddit, for surfacing this devastatingly sad and heartwarming tale years later. WHO IS CUTTING ONIONS IN HERE?!